True Confession

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So I went back and re-read my original post and while what I said there about the topics this blog will cover still stands, I would like to add something to the “why I started a blog in the first place” category.  After re-reading that I got to thinking and if I want this blog to help even just one person I need to be totally brutally honest about why I’m here in the first place.  I mean, if I just wanted to shout into the void I could easily journal-and I do.   (And if you want to make a journal similar to the one pictured above stay tuned and I’ll do a tutorial in the near future).  But I have a purpose for shouting into the void known as the internet:  accountability.

Here’s the deal:  my life has not been perfect, or easy, or simple.  A good percentage of my quarter century on this earth has been consumed by grief, stress, sadness, and complications.  Things always seem to work out for me in the end, I’m not really sure why, but things often seem to take the long, bumpy, stressful, crazy road to working out.  And in the past my methods of dealing with grief, stress, sadness, and mess haven’t exactly been the most healthy for me.  I’ve chronically over-eaten for most of my life, was a heavy drinker as a teenager, actively injured myself (yes on purpose),  and as an adult struggled with serious crazy over spending.

But this time has to be different.  This time I can’t half a chocolate cake for dinner every night, or drink like I don’t care about my liver (or if I wake up), or hurt myself.  This time I can’t go out and just buy things for the sake of buying things.  To be honest my husband and I have too many things as we stand now.  Every day I put more things up for sale on the internet in hopes of simplifying my life some.  This time I have to face grief, and sorrow, and stress head on and not crumble under the strain.  And so that is where the blog comes in.  Of my various means of dealing with stress in the past, over-eating and over-spending are the two I still struggle with to this day.  And those are the two things I hope this blog will distract me from doing.  I’m hoping that by being accountable to my readers (however few they may be) I will be able to come through my grief without racking up the biggest credit card bill ever.  In fact, I’ve even been applying for jobs around my town to help keep me busy.  My thought was that if I had a job to go to every day, even if just for a couple of hours, that would be a couple of hours I’m not at home stuffing my face and thinking up things I “need” (like the treadle sewing machine I got my heart set on yesterday…).

So there’s your dose of honesty for today.  Hope it wasn’t too shocking.  :p

Love always,

Lizz

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